A world gets darker

I wish something the air was better. Smoke has been lurking in the air, and this has been irritating my windpipe.

My hip continues to hurt. Perhaps the blessing in disguise is that I could still walk without an obvious limp.

The air and the hip aside, something doesn't feel right. I have yet to learn how to articlate it. That feeling is more than a sensation that makes one feel down. It is something that makes one feel like giving up on things.

Strange it is, the human beings often put themselves in a contradicting position. On one hand a part of oneself feels like surrendering to the world of darkness, the other part of oneself urges one to hang on. The pit below now seems darker and deeper. Is there a reason to have a survival instinct? Maybe falling isn't that bad? At least, one isn't stuck, and there's a direction to head towards for?

Anyway, playing music in an orchestra this evening helps one keep afloat on a life-buoy. This evening, we played the "storm" section of the Beethoven's 6th Symphony. I was told that it is the third movement.

Playing in an orchestra and listening to everyone play can be more interesting than sitting down in a concert hall and listening to the performers. At the very least, one gets to listen, to participate, and to be part of the music-making. Yet, it might just be a temporary jab of endorphin? That bugging feeling is just a symptom to an unrecognised problem, and unless its roots can be found and addressed, the pain remains.

A world gets darker. For the night has come.

Spread one's arms, and allow the free-fall to start, in this darkness.