Except for the time taken to have my meals, travel between places and taking breaks during practices, most of my time today had been occupied with playing on the double bass. In the morning and early afternoon, I was practising on my own at home. In the late afternoon, I had double bass lessons. In the evening, orchestra rehearsal finally resume and I joined in. I must have had a double-bass playing marathon today?
The attempts to play the Grade 8 sight-read pieces today need much more work to reach a satisfactory level. I don't know if I could achieve the miracle of being competent with the sight-reading section by end of the month. Programme for the exams still need work upon.
I am feeling too tired to even give too much thought to the thoughts of feeling inadequate.
That reminds me, that when I feel inadequate, I found it helpful to read this:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous --
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people
Won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some of us: it is in everyone,
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
Give other people permission to do the same.
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love (New York: Harper Collins, 1992)
(taken from Zander R.S. and Zander B. (2000). The Art of Possibility. Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business School Press.)