I am feeling what might be described as having "butterflies in the stomach". The feelings of anxieties can get too strong and result in one being too worked up.
Reflecting, playing music requires one to learn to trust and to let go of the outcome. My hopes of passing the exams have at this time been a hindrance rather than a motivation. I have a feeling that I have to learn to let go of the outcome, enjoy the mere pleasure of music making. That is all. I have to learn to trust that every small but meaningful practice will lead me a step closer to the passing mark. There is no need to push or to strain oneself. Take a step at a time, and I can trust that I will be closer day by day.
Was there a time, when we try too hard to achieve something, and in the end, that hinders us from achieving an inspiring result? For example, I recall that when I try too hard not to make any mistake, I may end up with playing a piece of music too technically and plainly, failing to bring out any sense of musicality.
I have been making progresses over the past week. Somehow, I must learn to shake off the feeling of thinking that by pushing myself to achieve a pass, I will pass. It might be simpler to learn to trust that all I need is to take small incremental steps of improving my musicianship.
Right now, I am just writing away in the hope of relieving a nagging feeling of anxieties. As such, this post may seem haphazard.
Have the society taught us too much about striving towards the outcome that we have forgotten to trust that the process can also help take us nearer our goals?
With this, I only hope that I can learn to let go of the outcome, and have fun playing the music. Wish me all the best, please.
2 comments:
"Have the society taught us too much about striving towards the outcome that we have forgotten to trust that the process can also help take us nearer our goals?"
Yes, in a lot of ways.
You know, I've found that, ever since I decided to have a recital, I have a certain anxiety about piano that I didn't have before. The recital is over a year away, so it's not an unpleasant anxiety like yours is, but there's this sense of urgency that takes away from my ability to just enjoy the music for what it is.
All the best in your efforts, and in your desire to enjoy the music again.
Waterfall: I just hope that the next time the anxiety strikes again, I will have enough trust to allow it to pass with time.
SA: I hope. At times, I do feel inadequate.
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