Yet another rainy New Year's Day

Today's post shall be an incoherent one, if it does not make any sense to you, it was meant to be.

1 Jan 2006: I looked back to my posts dated exactly a year ago. This made me realised that this year's New Year's Day is yet another rainy New Year's Day.

The rainy weather has made me feel rather sad this morning, for no particular reason. There seems nothing much to look forward to in the year of 2006 as yet. I just hope I am feeling this way because I am currently in a mode of allowing things to unfold by themselves. As such, it wasn't too unexpected that I have not made any particular resolution for this year.

Rushing to make a resolution simply because it is the start of a commonly regarded start of the year may not necessary be the best thing to do. One may make premature plans which may not be seen through. Life might be a much bigger picture in itself, but I have no wisdom as yet to see that bigger picture. As such, bear with me that I don't even know how to take the smaller steps that are necessary to reach that larger vision I might have been born to seek.

Hidden within oneself, there could be energy enough to do significant things. But the energy feels rather unfocused still. Yours truly is still in a mode of searching for a way to harness that energy and to make it to better use. "In which direction/s?" That is the constant question in the mind.

Since no clear direction has been found, the next best way to live through life seems to be to let it unfold, and attempt to seek for those vague visions that have been flashing in one's mind.

Am lost, clueless. The rainy weather made the mood feel worse.

But I am thankful actually. For despite much amount of rain, the weather has been kind to offer about 4 hours of relatively good weather this afternoon for me to take a walk near Kent Ridge Park. I am thankful too, that there is this space I could call my own to express and attempt to make sense of things. If not, I fear my moods might have been much much darker.

Maybe tomorrow may get better? Be it rain or shine.