Lost and not found

*Sneeze*. I was sneezing a moment ago. Not a good sign. The sneeze seems to indicate failing health. I could only ask if you could please wish me good health.

Health refers not only to physical health, it also includes emotional health. I wonder if I would be reaching the brink very soon?

***
I love the tunes of the Carpenters, especially those more melancholic and sad ones. Karen Carpenter's voice and singing is simply touching.

My ears prefer music played in minor keys than major keys. It is as if when I am feeling low and sad, I needed equally sad tunes to comfort me. Perhaps because it is through listening to sad tunes that I felt understood. It is as if the sad tunes sang out for me my deepest sorrows and gloom. Those deepest feelings that I often found difficult to express verbally. The outlet to express, is like a key that releases one's pent-up feelings.

Too cheerful a tune playing when I am feeling sad, that would have sound as if I was fooling my own emotions. Yet, there is comfort in cheerful and beautiful tunes at times. They tell us how life could be beautiful at times.

***
I love the introduction to Carpenter's Ticket to Ride. The music arrangement of the introduction melts my heart. And it is playing right now, Ticket to Ride.

It is now playing Goodbye to Love. That part of the lyrics, "No one ever cared if I should live or die", make me wonder. I wonder who would ever care if this was the case. As I contemplate over this, my ears are listening intently to that long guitar-and-vocals fade of Goodbye to Love.

***
The feeling is that of being lost. Sadness looms. Maybe I needed another walk, even if I were to go on "auto-pilot walking" again.

I tried to express what goes on inside me, and I doubt my ability to express all that goes on within fully. It must have been me. Please do not expect me to make myself too explicit where it comes to sharing my inner self. The inner self is a sacred place that even the closest of folks would not gain easy access to.

I, at times, hope people may be clever or skillful enough to read my implicit expressions. At times, I may feel disappointed that they could not. When disappointments strikes, I reminded myself it was probably of no fault of theirs. They could not see through me and access what goes on in that sacred inner self. There was not much avenue for access. I could only hope that writing about part of what goes on within helps others discover that hidden sacred inner self of mine.

Perhaps writing has unknowingly become my friend? I did not do well for English when I was in much my school years. Scoring distinctions for Chinese was much easier than for English. At times, writing compositions in English in my earlier years can be awkward. I had not know how to start. It felt as if there were strict guides to follow, and with that, writing lost its power in giving me an outlet to express myself. Maybe now, I have come a little further.

***
I must have been rambling. Nothing in this post seems to fit well together. If I was lost, I had not been found, as yet.

While writing about sad feelings did not make them go away, it has seemed to help me get in touch with what have been real yet hidden. And with the new experience of sad feelings, it was easier not to let sadness bother as much. There is perhaps, strength, found even within sadness itself. Strength to make the world out there a little better.

If this post is too abstract, please let it be. It was meant to be difficult to interpret, though I tried to make it reader-friendly.