If you would like, you may take this post as my one form of ventilation. I think I should get it off my chest before I get too upset with how things are.
My company is going to throw a staff dinner for the staff members. This should have been very nice and thoughtful of the company's management. Yet, I wonder if it is poor wisdom or foresight, the organising committee decided to pass this decision that every department has to put up an item on the staff dinner. I said so because in my opinion, not everyone would wish to put up an item. Furthermore, if poorly managed at the departmental's level, insisting that every department to put up an item could end up giving mini-hell to people like me.
Well, that was not too bad if staff could have a choice over whether they would like to be performing the item. I won't mind playing on the double bass provided that I could get enough help with the transportation of my instrument.
In the end, my department somehow decided to put up an item that would require team effort. Well, the idea of team effort is nice. Guess what the item is? It is a dance. It must have been me, ever a critique and individualist, I think this item has no use of me except for me to make the numbers!
I would rather have put up an item of sketching, signing sign language, but not this. The music, to begin with, has no appeal to me. I would rather just attend a concert to listen to classical or romantic music, and not dance to the dance music.
I just wish that that the decision-makers in my department could have the wisdom to give everyone the option to decide whether to opt in or out of the item. Well, I feel that I am reluctantly part of the dance item because everyone else in the department is taking part, and the thing about INFJs, we feel bad for not contributing to the team, especially now that there was no choice whether to be in or not. We have no way to excuse ourselves on the grounds of lack of interest.
The frustrating bit comes when the air of the practice room is so suffocating. The air-con has indeed chosen timely times to work lesser than its usual capacity, because for the past few rehearsals, it has not been dutiful in ensuring good air circulation in the room. Please remember I have a sensitive nose!
Then gosh, I hate the idea of not wearing shoes during the dance. It can hurt the soles if I was not careful, and I am worried because I seem to be accident prone at the feet areas! I have figures to support me that this is the case. I still can't get over my injured little toe some ten months ago. Someone stepped on it with a safety boot. It was pretty painful that I had difficulties walking about with ease during that time.
I heard we are all to put on some make-up so that we won't look pale on stage. But actually, I don't mind looking pale so long as I could save my face the burden of having make-up put on. I don't wish to put on the makeup. It's staff dinner, rightly for us to have a deserving meal for the effort we have put in at work, could I please have a break and not put up make-up?
What is more, if I had a choice over how I want to spend on my time, I won't wish to spend one hour a week for the past weeks on practising the item. I would rather have spent the time reading up, preparing for sessions, seeing my clients, or working on paper work at the work place. If it helps to get me out, please just perceive me as a workaholic who do not find enjoyment and entertainment through dancing a folk dance item.
So I think it must be me: If I don't like certain things, I have difficulty forcing myself to like it. I could do something I don't like, but I often find that it does not recharge me at all. All I could do is to get done and over with it as soon as possible. Meantime, I shall try to do more of the things that interest or recharge me. Else I will get really drained by the end of the year, and the end result will be a very sullen me.
Well, I've got some of the feelings of frustrations over my chest. This kind of frustration can get me down, and I hope to shake some of it off by ventilating. Thank you for commiserating with me.
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