Fish Passed Away

My heart has been feeling a little heavy when I returned home in the mid-afternoon. My youngest brother told me that the Luohan fish that our family has been keeping has passed away.

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(Observing a minute of silence to mourn the demise of the fish)

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It has been unable to swim like a healthy fish since early last year (if I had remembered correctly). Most of the time, the fish laid against the bottom of the fish tank on one of the sides of its body. While I do not change the water for this fish, I have been feeding it and trying to take a look at it almost everyday. Hopefully, looking at it at least once everyday might have offered it some little sense of companionship and encouragement. The least I could do for an ailing fish, on my end.

Despite its disability, I am amazed by the fish's spirit in trying its best to survive. Since the time that it was unable to swim, it has also hurt itself several times. One of its eyes was almost blinded as a result of one major injury. On other occasions, it had gotten fungus-looking substances on its skin. Despite all, it had been trying its best to survive and keep itself alive. As I looked back, I wonder what kind of motivations have kept this fish going? It must have had quite a bit of resilience in it.

I fondly remembered a time in the past when the fish could still swim. During the feeding times, it would swim towards whoever would be feeding it. When it was excited, it would make fast laps to and fro the two ends of the fish tank. Sometimes, it would flip itself upside-down.

Perhaps we weren't the experts in fish rearing and did not take much heart when this fish was swimming upside-down many of the times. One day, we found the fish unable to flip itself to swim the right-side up. Later, we got to know it has some balancing problems and needed injections in hope to rectify the issue. But somehow, the treatment had not help, and the fish had kept lying on one side of its body for more than a year.

I have rather mixed feelings about its demise. Perhaps it could be the end of its sufferings for it had not been able to swim like a normal fish for a long time. Yet, the fish might not even perceive what it had to go through as sufferings. It might have been just me who had at some point in time perceived its experiences as sufferings. It might have used its challenging situations to test its resilience and its ability to survive despite the harsh conditions? Maybe that was why it had kept itself alive for more than a year.

Today, the fish has passed away. I think I may need some time to grieve. Afterall, it was a fish I have been feeding for quite an amount of time. I shall remember it as a fish which has lots of resilience. Farewell fish.