Thursday, July 14, 2005

That nagging thought that bugs one

This must have been the plight of the folks who needed closure to things. When time fails to be on one's side for matters to be completed as fast as one would like, it seems like there would be a constantly nagging thought that would bug one.

The mind would even attempt to race at night when it is meant to be sleeping hours just in hope to think of a solution to manage time and to ensure matters could be completed as fast as one would like to.

***
The fact is, it is sleeping hours and not working hours. But the mind cannot seem to differentiate. It probably seems to see life as a journey to find closure, and gets matter done?

***
Too much things seem to have to be done. Time seems short. The mind would attempt all its way possible to work things out and to organise all possible information. Even at the weird hours.

And that nagging thought is bugging me.

***
Suddenly, my mind gets what I call a "wake-up shock" in the middle-of-the-night, because the mind is working so hard at the back of itself, that it suddenly wakes its owner up from dreamland. Too much thoughts have been bugging the mind that the mind just gets too active to be able to stay in "sleeping mode".

It is as if the mind is racing, perhaps erratically.

When this happens, all attempts to hush it down and get to sleep fail. Even when oneself has been having a long tiring day, physically and mentally.

***
And all these, is happening to yours truly right now.

If you want to find out why yours truly is typing a blog entry at this wee hour of the night, I can tell you it was not that I had chosen to be awake. I was awaken. By the nagging thought.

I had tried sleeping at 11.30 p.m. and managed to get some winks until the nagging thought strikes. The pent-up feelings is building up. The mind is so awfully alert that I had to realise that I needed an outlet to release what ever pent-up feelings had been built up. Otherwise, there would be no peace of the mind, and I fear, no further good sleep till the next day.

***
This must have one of yours truly greatest weakest. To find difficulty in managing that nagging thought and the racing mind. Or is the weakness being that of acting stronger than one is, such that the result is that workload keeps coming until it gets beyond one's capacity to cope?

Whatever it is, it is as if my mind has been programmed to get things done, and it would do so, at the cost of my sleep.

Sounds like a woe and it is making me cry.

I could only ask for comfort and support, while I chose to blog to find a way to ventilate, in hope to find a little solace and peace of the mind.

Would I ever find that needed way out to deal with the weakness? I fear I have not enough strength and assertiveness to see me through. That entire thought brings me down. I don't know what. But I think I have to ask for some help.

***

I needed some release, but I fear typing a post on my blog still has yet to help me find an outlet to do so.

3 comments:

mistipurple said...

dear ocean, one good sign and comfort is that you are still able to type your frustrations. this is indeed a healthy sign.
i write whenever i feel extreme stress. i have a 'pros and cons' list when i get into difficult situations.
perhaps dear ocean, we could try to be less perfect and meticulous, and being less responsible. (wow, what a negative thing i am advocating.)
you are very responsible and the world is not, and you cannot catch up if the world pours continuous assaults on you. maybe you could prioritise and do what is important first and just leave the rest of the load. if leaving it does not endanger another person's life, cause catastrophy or something of that nature, then i think you can do the rest when time permits. (if it does bring catastrophic consequences, attention should then be brought that this is not a 'one person's job')

i want to share with you that i am coming from a 'boss' point of view. i am sharing this because i want you to know it is perfectly alright and this does not suggest malingering.

please please do not bother so much. you must let go. nothing adverse is going to happen if you do not finish all your work. (or you could ask yourself, what IS the worse that could happen.)
i hate to be such a nagger i am sorry.

pinkie said...

do u think u can just take a day off and have some rest? I'm really worried about you now... watch a movie or something... fantastic four, it's funny... it helped me... *rolling eyes*

oceanskies79 said...

Hi Mistipurple and Pinkie, thank you for your concern.

Mistipurple: It is assuring to hear from the "boss" point of view.

Pinkie: I am not quite keen on movie, but I shall find time to take breaks from work. Thanks.