Friday, June 10, 2005

I am disappointed

I got to know that this Sunday's orchestra rehearsal has to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. How disappointing. I had wanted to play Tchaikovsky''s Fifth Symphony this weekend.

I could only comfort myself by telling myself that with the cancellation of the rehearsal, I could have more time to catch up with a friend who is visiting Singapore on Sunday. This friend of mine would only be here in Singapore for a short trip. Actually, I am not sure if I would have any chance to show her around. She came to Singapore with a tour group, and my impression of tour group is that the tour schedule can be pretty tight.

Another friend of mine is supposed to meet me tomorrow. Probably it is poor foresight or sheer lack of care, she only realised almost at the last minute that it will be Dragon Boat Festival (Duan Wu Jie) tomorrow and her personal commitments would require her involvement to celebrate the festival. As such, we shall not meet. I felt disappointed. How I wish my friend could have more diligent use of a planner to keep track of appointments and commitments so that the chances of such slip-ups could be reduced. Of course, I should have been more aware that I cannot expect everyone to be as planful as me. Life would not have been fun if it does not have any moments of spontaneity. I know I live more comfortably in an outer world of predictability, and yet it is just one way of living life.

The better side of it means that I would have more time tomorrow to play on the double bass. I have been out of touch with my dear instrument kept at home. It has been a week since I last had its company. Also, I would have a bit more time alone by myself, though it wasn't what I truly need at the moment. Then again, that introvert in me does need some quiet time in order to recharge. My life felt as if it is in a messy state. I simply felt out of sync with the world and with myself.

As for my friend, maybe she would have a bit more time to spend with family and relatives, and to recharge from the hassles and loads of work?

Yet, there is an indisputable fact. The fact is that I tend to experience disappointments very easily. I could only cope by trying to keep my feelings in check so that I try not to over-react. At the same time, I could only remind myself that disappointments are often inevitable. Perhaps it isn't too bad to feel disappointments? Those feelings coud remind us of what matters?

I am disappointed with myself. I had strive to complete several things today, and could only manage to do some of it. Then again, I should learn that if I had insisted on getting all of these things done, I would probably have dropped dead by tomorrow. Maybe I have been expecting more than I could realistically do? Maybe I have forgotten that I need to give myself extra time allowance in completing a task so as to factor for the unexpected that would simply take up time, and a lot of it? Maybe I need to learn to slow down and do less?

For now, when a disappointment strikes, I shall remind myself that there is likely a brighter side to it. That should comfort.

8 comments:

mistipurple said...

perhaps it would be nice to allow yourself a few days of non-planning. just go with the flow. do what you can within your means, and leave it all behind when you leave the office, and go have a good time doing what you enjoy. maybe it might be fun to 'break' out of the mold for a few days, and just be free and carefree! afterall you can get back into the mold after that! :p

ruoxin said...

yup..its really unforseen... sometimes we dont know what the people "up there" are doing... till then, probably treat the reh's cancellation as a break from stuff and recover soon.! :)

mistipurple said...

i would like to add, being the conscientious you, if you cannot handle the amount of work you have, it would be fair to say that it is not a reasonable volume of work that the department has thrusted upon you. that is to say, you should not go beyond your human strength to complete an impossible task. and if you do somehow achieve that near impossible task, i would only think that more will be given to you.
i am not suggesting malingering but your work should not be at the expense of your health, both physically and mentally.
i am sorry to sound harsh dear ocean. it is because i feel that you are already trying so hard and you should be excused if you cannot finish your work. please do not be too hard on yourself.

Emrah said...

You may be disappointed with anything you want, but for goodness's sake, why to get disappointed with yourself? It is sad to hear that.

oceanskies79 said...

Hi Mistipurple: with your second comment, I felt like crying. It felt as if you helped speak my deepest most cries.

Xin: Thanks for visiting and for your well-wishes.

mistipurple said...

my dear dear ocean, i hear you.. *hugs* (you can always reach me, no obligations, just indicate so.)

mistipurple said...

i edited an earlier version and felt it too mushy, but after looking at the 2 liner i just posted, i guess i would post the original intended message to you. here goes..

dear ocean, please take care of yourself first. you will not be able to take care of your charges if you are too stretched. if you would like to have a drink at your favourite cafe, (actually please include food, because i have a terrible low sugar problem), i could email you and give you my contact. please do not feel obligated. i know how much you hate to have to make small talk. we could just sit quietly k? (i will email you my pic, knowing how uncomfortable you would be feeling 'shadowed'!) :p

there!! i didn't want to post that earlier, incase it was an overkill. i felt embarrassed because i didn't want to make you uncomfortable with my concern for you. anyway i must add, do not feel obligated k? you do know too, i am very busy working everyday till wee hours. (haha, see how embarrassed i can get, even finding an excuse for you not to call me!) *blush*
(but you must let me know to contact you, because i wouldn't otherwise.)

Lora said...

It sounds like even in your spontenity you can't help but plan, I completely understand.

However things turn out, I hope you have a wonderful, rejuvenating weekend. And when disappointment stikes I also find it much better to flip things around and look for the bright side. I suddenly have showtunes going off in my head.