Monday, September 12, 2005

Walk in the night

How could one keep one's chin up in the face of the darkness of the night?

Met Mystic for dinner tonight. My first time seeing her ever since I was back from the United Kingdom. Dinner was good because the company was a friend who could bear with me. Where humour in my words was meant to be used to help me see the brighter side of all things. Yet perhaps the humour is, to also be the screen to hide the darkness within.

Whatever it is, I thank Mystic for her thoughtful black hand towel. I know I may pick and fuss over it, but in truth, I hope it would come handy when my palms start sweating in this humid weather when I play on the double bass. I am admittedly a little dubious what difference this towel would make, for I have yet a good experience with a black hand towel, though I would like a towel in black colour. Could one push oneself closer to darkness when one lives in a world full of contradictions?

Parted with Mystic, but the night was too young to head for home. Strangely, there was a need to bathe oneself in the melancholy of the night. In my walk, I saw a friend along the way from City Hall MRT station to Esplanade - Theatres by the Bay, but I have no wish to walk out of my own world, so I merely nod my head to acknowledge that I had seen her and off I walked away. Forgive me, if I were to see you out on the streets and if I were reluctant to say a greeting. Likely I needed space, or at most, a quiet company.

The night brought one the urge to be on auto-walking mode. As if breathing the mysterious forces of the darkness would help one find parallels to that unexplained sense of dismay. Then when one gets in touched with those dark forces from within, one's dismay would be replaced by creative forces that would help one see the beauty and hope in things no matter how dim.

As such, I continued to be intrigued, by the walk in the night. Such that after reaching Esplanade - Theatres by the Bay, I continued my night-walk to Dhoby Ghaut MRT station. Along the way, I saw some new sights and had some new experiences. So there was my walk of at least 40 minutes. A walk in hope to find some glimpses of hope in that darkness of the night.

Now my feet are tired and so is my mind. If the search had not been futile, then all these would be worthwhile.


mistipurple said...

in the quietness of your future walk, i would accompany you in thoughts. for i fear i may not be adequate to fill the void, your search. but what i can offer, is my care and my concern, and to let you know you are not alone.

Simple American said...

What a wonderful place to live. For a woman to be able to walk in the evening and have no fear. Don't try that here, even in my wonderful Texas.

Don't begrudge yourself the ability to walk alone. A friend will understand and acquaintance is an acquaintance, all you should owe is the respectful nod. What I would not give for a quiet moment to walk alone and collect my thoughts. Enjoy. No regrets.

The black towel is interesting. Does it have to be black to match the clothing you wear during performances?

Dire contracdictions can lead to darkness, but you have to follow them to get there. All evil and good is a choice considered. Sometimes over much thought and other times as an impulse.

pinkie said...

u r so unique... will take note to respect your need for space...

oceanskies79 said...

Mistipurple: Thanks for your care and concern. Thanks for being a pillar of support to see me through the dark moments.

Simple American: Yes, it's quite safe here. Though it is not 100% risk-free.

Yes, I have to wear black during performances, so a black towel to wipe my sweaty palms makes the towel more discreet looking.

Pinkie: Thank you for your concern too.