Hidden behind the trees

The building in the foreground is where I usually have orchestra rehearsals. This is how it looks after the renovation.

Yesterday, we rehearsed Mozart's Magic Flute Overture and the first movement of Brahms' Symphony No. 2. I think I need more practice to master Brahms' Second Symphony.

This place brings fond memories to me. I spend much of my undergraduate years practising here. This is what I call nostalgia.

Fatigue catches up

As the title says
Weariness is the experience of the day
Energy all used up
Mentally and physically

Peace is an luxury item
Now not being granted
Rest, one may wish
But a havoc is stirring
Hardly any space to rest
Maybe the world will blank out soon

Peace is disturbed

I do not know if it would annoy readers to yet again write about how the noises from the trade fair has disturbed my sense of peace. Yet it still has been doing so without fail.

I could only learn to bear with it, and assume that there are people out there who may have benefitted from its existence. Those people who have put up stalls at the trade fair depend on good location (and the flat I am living in is situated on one) for livelihood. People who enjoys shopping count on the trade fair to have convenient shopping. People who loves the local concept of the night market (Pasar Malam in Malay language) looks forward to the trade fair for nostalgic reasons. The list may go on if I were to attempt to list more.

Yet, I have found that I do not benefit much from its existence.

Firstly, I do not enjoy listening to noises that I could not make any sense out of. Every night, the trade fair emits sounds that I would rather not have heard. Last week, it gave the "thump thump" sound. Tonight, I could hear the voices of people trying to sell their items over the loudspeaker. At times, I could hear voices of people singing.

Secondly, I am not a shopper. I shop for a functional reason and not for the pleasure of shopping. Except for a few occasions whereby I was tasked to buy some food from the trade fair, I hardly shop in it. Most of the time, I would just simply walk past it without spending much time to shop. The truth is, the senseless emission of noises and sounds from the trade fair have deterred me. All I want, is peace.

Thirdly, while images of the trade fair may remind me of the times when I was young and was brought on a few occasions to a trade fair to play games, it was not quite nostalgic to be in one now. I did not remember myself enjoying being in a crowd even when I was much much younger. The most I could appreciate is that my parents took time to bring me to a trade fair. Maybe the novelty of the fair has helped me bear with the crowd then? Then sadly, I could say that trade fair has seem to lose its novelty on me.

One more month, and I could so gladly say bye to the trade fair. Hopefully there are really a lot of people who do benefit from its existence, even though I don't. If not, I will question very strongly why anyone would want to set up a trade fair in the first place. Why set up a white elephant that is of not much benefit to people and yet brings in so much disturbance?

Mosquito Bites

*Scratch* *Scratch*
Mosquito bites make one feel itchy, won't you think?

I do not know where the mosquito came from. I must have very limited awareness of my external environment at times such that I could not even tell when I was bitten by the mosquitos.

I write a mundane post for I am not in my best frame of mind to write a post with much depth.

A warning to Kunstemaecker who is coming to Singapore, he should consider bringing insect repellent when he visits the tropics.

I wonder if I have gave him a great suggestion? But then, would he ever get a chance to use an insect repellent if he were to stay in a hotel with air-conditioning facilities?

Finding of the day

Regularly, the professional social workers and counsellors in my department will get to read articles related to the social service. These articles are being circulated and each of us will take time to read them.

Today I read one article on an Email Befriending Service.

***

Finding of the day, the Samaritans of Singapore (commonly referred to as SOS offers an Email Befriending Service. This is intended for people who are troubled or in distress. It recognise that there are people who may prefer to write than to talk.

The email address for the Email Befriending Service is: pat@samaritans.org.sg

Hopefully, sharing about it on this blog will give this service some publicity that it deserves. More important, may this information be a useful resource.

Low tides

It is the time of the low tides
The river bed unveils its face
The evening lights reflect onto the water
Signaling night is falling near

What happened to JY?

I was trying to read JY's blog today but when I entered the URL, I could only see a blank page.

When I have tried to log into Friendster this evening, it seems to be giving me problems too. I could not even access the Friendster's main page. There seems to be no clue what has happened. I hope JY is alright?

Away from the noises

The evening sun and the trees. Taken at National University of Singapore's campus.

This photo was taken after rehearsal this evening. I did not quite spend much time observing the subject-matter before I took this photograph.

Anyway, the campus was pretty quiet on a Sunday evening, and I could hear the rustling sounds of the leaves. How pleasant these sounds were for the ears as compared to the loud noises from the trade fair.

Rehearsals keeps one away from lifelessness

Orchestra rehearsals have resumed. The first orchestra rehearsal after the recent exams-break (for I play in a university orchestra as a graduate member) was on 1 Dec 2005.

It may seem poor choice to have decided to miss the orchestra rehearsal on 2 Dec 2005, but the other alternative that I had finally chose to attend was rather obligatory and only happens once a year. On hindsight, I would have definitely prefer to attend the orchestra rehearsal, yet if I were to choose again, I would still have chosen the other alternative as it was the most appropriate choice to make under the given circumstances.

Today, the orchestra rehearsed the first and the last movement of Brahms' Symphony No. 2. Although I still struggled to get the rhythms of certain passages and to play certain passages in tune, I have enjoyed the rehearsal. Brahms' music is so much easier for me to relate to than Sibelius' music. Maybe someone should sponsor me to a trip to Finland so that I could better appreciate Sibelius' music?

Rehearsals seem to inject a little life into me. Hopefully in about two months time, I could play Brahms' Symphony No. 2 well enough. I find it a challenge to play Brahms' for his music tends to be difficult both technically and more so, musically. I was told that the orchestra's upcoming public concert will be held on 25 February 2006. That sounds fast-approaching.

***

For now, I am in a process of considering whether to sit for ABRSM Grade 8 Double Bass practical exams next year. I don't feel quite fully ready for playing scales, aural and sight-reading yet. I also don't know if I could muster enough energy to practise with the heavy workload in office. Then finally, I would need to find a piano-accompanist too. I am just having these thoughts in order to make sure that the plan in mind is reasonable and achievable. I think I know my answer.

***
Meantime, whatever life that rehearsals may inject, it is simply for those moments during rehearsals. That sense of life seems not enough to sustain one till the rest of the entire week. Anyway, when the feeling of lifelessness do come, maybe one should look within too for strength other than look outside oneself?

Retreat to a world of my own

Isolation becomes an option on the mind when one's world is continuously bombarded by noises. The noises from the trade fair still continues. I am waiting for the end of the trade fair to come. That will be sometime in the end of this month.

There seems no fit for one in this world. Isolation and melancholy will lend the quiet company to one until one feels more sane to deal with the noises again.

***
On the side note, I have found a rather nice and cosy place to retreat this evening. On a Sunday evening today, the library@orchard was quiet enough and not too crowded. It gave me space to retreat to a world of solitude. It took me away from the noises, for who would dare to make too much noises in a library? That would be too inconsiderate s thing to do in a library.

It is nice to relax and unwind by drinking a cup of beverage from Cafe Galilee which was located within the library. There is not many people this evening at the library, so I took advantage to enjoy all the peace and quietness that the library could spare me. Well, it wasn't all silence, there was nice piped-music that had lent music to my ears while I drank a cup of milk-shake at the cafe.

I must have been blessed to find that the music booths which were normally occupied were available today. After finishing the milk-shake, I went up to one of the music booths and listened in to Chinese pop songs sang by Fish Leong. The music booths play music from a selected list and one could choose between classical, asian pop, pop and jazz music. I chose classical initially but realised that it wasn't playing the kind of music I was expecting, so I chose asian pop in the end. While listening to the music, I tried to enjoy the serenity that the library has to offer.

***
Right now, I am wishing for quiet company. Too many thoughts on the mind, but too much noises from the external have added to the confusion. A quiet company may lend the needed sense of support for one to find strength to face the loud and confusing world.

Be my quiet company please.

Thanks Caracola

A word of thanks to Caracola for listening in to my frustrations earlier this morning. After the conversation, I went to check for the time differences between Spain and Singapore. It was 7 hours of difference if I had figured it right. Then, I realised that it must have been an hour past midnight for her in Spain.

I thank her for her kindness and time. A photo that I had recently taken, dedicated to her:


Singapore River, near Boat Quay. Preparing to start a dragon-boat race.

I thought that slanting the camera horizontally will give more interesting lines. What do you think?

Approaching Night

A quiet place for respite.
A luxury in a busy city.
But watch the world going slower.
It can help the heart feel more at peace.

End it all

"Thump thump thump"
The above describes the sound from the trade fair. Noises must have travelled up and have been amplified. Silence is what I need now to recharge and to heal from the pain and aches, but silence is a commodity that is now becoming a luxury.

Perhaps people thinks that the noise will help fill the emptiness? Perhaps people think loud sounds mean fun. At times I do enjoy the occasional blasts from brass instruments of the Western symphony orchestra. Those blasts make the music complete or make important highlights to the music. The beauty that loud sounds may give is totally absent in the loud noises that I was exposed to today.

Except for the drumming performance that I had watched this evening, most loud noises tonight had introduced hell to my already painful experience. It is "the time of the month" and I was experiencing what seems to be menstrual cramp and a low blood pressure. I could hardly gauge my way around places with clarity on a few occasions. Silence is what I need. But it was not available to me. Back was aching so badly for a moment in time that I had wished that the end of my world could come soon. For coupled with it was a headache. It did not help that I was in a place with lots of loud music. Until it was so unbearable that I had to find ways to exit.

It did not help that the trade fair near my home still roars the same "thump thump thump" noises. I am finding it hard to keep sane at times. I am just trying to focus on blogging to distract myself from the thumping sounds.

The noises must have been here to put myself to tests? Or the noises be around so as to remind me that I have low threshold for noises that make no sense to me.

Strangely, it is raining now but the trade fair continues to emit this "thumping" sound. End it all, the noises. For I fear if they don't, I will be the one to lose my sanity soon.

Offer me the quiet company that I would need please.

Music soothes the pain

The day had not started well. I was feeling pain on my forehead and tummy area. At times, my sense of orientation had lost a bit of focus, making me knock into tables and chairs which I normally don't knock into. This is those times of the month when the female hormones must have swung.

I was trying hard to stay sane while attending a presentation that one of my colleagues was giving. The pain and discomfort was bothering me. My way to cope is to stay indifferent to the external world, as much as is possible. But it seemed to have led to misunderstanding, which I was too drained to even bother to clarify. Let me be.

I am sorry that I am inclined not to explain myself in many situation. In that kind of situation where I am feeling not at my best, I would need to be given the luxury of a whole entire day to enjoy the silence and quiet company of the listener before I would feel more safe and energised to share.

The thing is that I realise I tend to give patronising comments when I am feeling drained. Then explaining myself further may not lead to more understanding, but may pave the road for more misunderstanding.

***
By the time that it was approaching lunchtime, I was getting concern whether I could walk safely to the nearby food centre alone for lunch. I must have lost my mind to think that I would not need help to get my lunch. But at that time, some sense of quietness was all I wish for. With some effort, I had gotten my lunch from the nearby food centre safely.

The lunch and the rest after the lunch has helped me regained enough energy to travel to the university for orchestra rehearsal. I had taken time off from work in the afternoon to attend the rehearsal. Today is the first day of the four-day music camp that the orchestra was holding. A pity that I could only be there on the first and final day due to other commitments.

***
No more Sibelius' symphonies. Instead the orchestra was rehearsing Brahms' Symphony No. 2 which I could relate more easily to. The music must have helped soothe the pain a little.

Double bass sectional was held at night. I am glad that I made a good choice in forgoing my music theory class to come for the sectional. Forgoing the music theory class meant that I need not have to rush down to Toa Payoh after the orchestra rehearsal and I could be there for tonight's sectional, which was likely to be my last double bass sectional for the year since my tutor will be flying overseas very soon and won't be back in Singapore until early next year.

***

Right now, it is getting very dark. I am simply writing and hoping that writing could be a form of therapy. The feeling of walking a long stretch dark tunnel seemed to be stronger much of the earlier part of the day when the physique is not in good shape.

On my way home, a thought flashed to the mind that growing up has its challenges, and sometimes those can hurt. If there were any way one could comfort oneself, is to know that those challenges are also meant to help one grow wiser and more resilient. Perhaps the trick is learning to bend before one reaches the breaking point?

***
One could only hold on to the faith that in the finer things in life, one may be able to find the solace needed to walk each day with strength. Music is one of those finer things, so is visual art.