Thursday, December 01, 2005

Music soothes the pain

The day had not started well. I was feeling pain on my forehead and tummy area. At times, my sense of orientation had lost a bit of focus, making me knock into tables and chairs which I normally don't knock into. This is those times of the month when the female hormones must have swung.

I was trying hard to stay sane while attending a presentation that one of my colleagues was giving. The pain and discomfort was bothering me. My way to cope is to stay indifferent to the external world, as much as is possible. But it seemed to have led to misunderstanding, which I was too drained to even bother to clarify. Let me be.

I am sorry that I am inclined not to explain myself in many situation. In that kind of situation where I am feeling not at my best, I would need to be given the luxury of a whole entire day to enjoy the silence and quiet company of the listener before I would feel more safe and energised to share.

The thing is that I realise I tend to give patronising comments when I am feeling drained. Then explaining myself further may not lead to more understanding, but may pave the road for more misunderstanding.

By the time that it was approaching lunchtime, I was getting concern whether I could walk safely to the nearby food centre alone for lunch. I must have lost my mind to think that I would not need help to get my lunch. But at that time, some sense of quietness was all I wish for. With some effort, I had gotten my lunch from the nearby food centre safely.

The lunch and the rest after the lunch has helped me regained enough energy to travel to the university for orchestra rehearsal. I had taken time off from work in the afternoon to attend the rehearsal. Today is the first day of the four-day music camp that the orchestra was holding. A pity that I could only be there on the first and final day due to other commitments.

No more Sibelius' symphonies. Instead the orchestra was rehearsing Brahms' Symphony No. 2 which I could relate more easily to. The music must have helped soothe the pain a little.

Double bass sectional was held at night. I am glad that I made a good choice in forgoing my music theory class to come for the sectional. Forgoing the music theory class meant that I need not have to rush down to Toa Payoh after the orchestra rehearsal and I could be there for tonight's sectional, which was likely to be my last double bass sectional for the year since my tutor will be flying overseas very soon and won't be back in Singapore until early next year.


Right now, it is getting very dark. I am simply writing and hoping that writing could be a form of therapy. The feeling of walking a long stretch dark tunnel seemed to be stronger much of the earlier part of the day when the physique is not in good shape.

On my way home, a thought flashed to the mind that growing up has its challenges, and sometimes those can hurt. If there were any way one could comfort oneself, is to know that those challenges are also meant to help one grow wiser and more resilient. Perhaps the trick is learning to bend before one reaches the breaking point?

One could only hold on to the faith that in the finer things in life, one may be able to find the solace needed to walk each day with strength. Music is one of those finer things, so is visual art.


Caracola said...

Dear go to see doc i think that ear thing can be irritaiting...take care! and so glas to have spoken to you today...althought it has not been a good day for you, wish you a better one for tomorrow. * hugs*

mistipurple said...

i echo caracola. i wish you a good day too. i logged off last night in the midst of our conversation as i was feeling very tired too. i send you quietness for your healing.

Simple American said...

Please go see the doctor. Pain is a signal that things are not working right.