Sunday, July 03, 2005

How do I steer forward?

The day has not been really one of disappointments and frustrations. There have been much kindness showered on me on various occasions. I thank the people who have been shown kindness to me.

Yet my world is playing a rather sad and moody tune right now. Maybe the tune was meant to empathise and to heal?

Was it because of the medications such that I could feel the intensity of the pains that life would bring being doubled? I could only remind myself to choose to engage in more positive self-talks within myself. What may seem a forever sense of pain and hopelessness would merely be temporarily. Just like any other feelings, what I am feeling right now would remain transient in nature unless one harbours over the feelings for too long.

I think I would need lots of sad music to soothe my sorrows, to help me feel a vent for expression.

There is too much moodiness and volatility for me to go to bed and sleep in peace. I could only bend on expressing myself in words in hope to comfort.

How would I be able to steer forward in this case?

Slow down? Be kind to myself? Allow myself to get in touch with this greater sense of uncertainty and vulnerability?

I am reminded that I am not spared from feeling vulnerable. I doubt I would be.

Then how should I still find strength despite my vulnerability, so that I could have enough power to face the challenges that life may present? Searching for that answer. But forcing the answer to come won't work, and would backfire. So I shall have faith that the answer would come. Somehow and one eventual day.

1 comment:

mistipurple said...

hang in there, probably by wednesday? you would have finished your medicines? i know how awful it must feel to have to pop all those pills, more so the side effects. a few more days dear py. hang on. it will be worth the discomfort when you can get rid of those coughs. and yes, do go for the follow-up. we do want to do this once and for all.